Hurry Up Let's Go!!

You’re day is packed isn’t it? Every day has a list of places to go and things to do and tasks to complete. You pick up Emily from preschool and as you are hustling her to the car you’re saying “hurry up Em; we’ve got a lot to do today. Come on get in your seat and get the seat belt on, Max is waiting at school too.” And when you pull up at the school for son Max, he comes to the car and you’ve got your cell phone up to your ear talking away while Max piles in and in between sentences on your phone you tell him, “Jump in Max, we’ve got get cruising.’” With that he gets in the car flips on the DVD player and you’re off to what’s next on the daily schedule. You’re call continues as you drive through McDonalds for a quick bite for the kids before you have to get Max dropped off at taekwondo and Emily at dance. And, while they’re at those activities you have just enough time to stop at church and drop off the pies for the soup and pie supper. Then you’re back in the race to get each child picked up on time and home to change clothes, pick up your spouse, and head back to church for soup and pie supper. As soon as that’s accomplished, it’s back home for homework, bath time and bed time at which point you start the laundry, write out a grocery list, fill out the book order, and duck tape your son’s pants that are too long. (What, you’ve never duck taped your kid’s pants instead of hemming?)

Insert your kid’s names and their activities here and your family routine begins to look a bit crazed doesn’t it? Hey, if this is working for you, keep it up.

But I bet it’s not. Kids live what they learn. A rushed life overflowing with activities doesn’t make for a connected family. When a child hears “hurry up” constantly, they learn to live a hectic life and the underlying message is “what’s coming up is more important than the moment we’re in right now.” When a child jumps in a car, puts the DVD to occupy their minds while simply running around town, he’s learning to tune out what is going on around him. When children constantly have their parents on a cell phone while in the car, they learn that someone else is more important then they are. Is what you’re living what you want your children to think life should be?

Kids don't need to grow up thinking they are the center of your universe, but, they do need to know you believe they are important to you when you are with them. The best thing you can do is take that time in the car to talk together, sing to their CD music, and listen to each other. Live in the moment when you’re with your kids, be with your kids. If you are constantly on the go, reconsider what activities are really necessary. One year we went so far as to have an activity free year, and it was heavenly! My children learned to be creative and have fun in their own little world. We had more family time and less stress. It’s perfectly okay to say “no” to volunteering when it really doesn't match your family's needs or life style right now.

There’s a saying that goes “What you are doing speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

Take a deep breath, rethink how many activities your kids are in, slow down, and be present in the moment, because guaranteed, the moments will be gone before you know it.

Parenting "The Right Way"

I’ve been inspired by a group of young moms I had the privilege of spending time with recently. Inspired to take a step back and remember what it was like with little ones underfoot and on my hip. With the first child we read every book, took classes and parented with a strict force. Of course we had a passive child who responded well to all of it too. Then number two came along with a passion for life and moving in all directions and suddenly everything that worked on number one didn’t work on number two. By the time the third kid came along, we’d really mellowed.

The first time around you are so afraid of doing it wrong that it’s common to over parent; to set the bar of expectations high. Then you start to realize that it’s really okay to breathe, take some time out for yourself and know you do the best you can with what you know and when you discover something new you change. So when daughter number two complained this summer about how we let child number three “get away with everything” and the oldest chimed in too, they “had it so rough.” I let them know, the first one is the guinea pig and from there we learned to loosen the reins, that it was okay for them to stumble and figure out how to get back up and we discovered that being overly protective wasn’t necessarily in their best interest. We discovered with each child which battles were the ones worth fighting and let go of the rest.

We’re not perfect. We’re not always going to get it right. We’re doing the best we can with what we know. So basically my message to my kids was, “get over it.” You too can walk this path one day should you become a parent. And I'm telling you, you can look yourself in the mirror, pat yourself on the back and say, "I'm doing the best I can, and it's all okay .

Back to Writing

I’m back after quite a hiatus! And glad to be. I’ve been writing countless blogs in my head, they just haven’t made it to my computer. Don’t you feel that way some days, there are boatloads of ideas in your head and you just can’t get to them?

Well, I’m telling you, it’s all okay. We don’t have to do it all or be it all. So, taking a break from keeping up with my blog and Joy Builder Bulletin gave me an opportunity to think, plan, and now implement. So I’m back, ready to write and looking forward to your feedback on this journey of motherhood.

So here’s my first tip to you today. If you are a list maker and you’ve got a lot on your list every day, give up half of what’s on there. Take what’s most important, the crucial stuff, and put that on the left side of your paper and that’s all you need to do today. Take all those other things that are continuously on your list and put them on the right side of your paper. The right side is for God and the Universe to handle. Why think you should do it all? Let the Divine step in and help out. You’d be amazed at how people you’ve been trying to reach suddenly call you, your husband fills out the hockey sign up forms for your sons, the information you’ve been waiting on from the credit card company comes so you no longer have to call and hound them. It’s amazing, and it works. Besides, if you manage to get those crucial things on your list done, you can always jump to the right side and take on a few more.