Chores for Children

A girlfriend of mine knew it was time for her kids to learn responsibility when her son commented that he did not have to clean up his bathroom, "that’s what the cleaning service was for." To her children's shock, that afternoon, she cancelled her cleaning service. Then she made a trip to the store with her children in tow to pick out their own cleaning buckets and supplies. Wise woman!

When we were in our early days of parenting, we questioned how much we expected from our kids around the house. David and I reviewed our responsibilities growing up and it included, but was not limited to, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, lawn mowing, taking out the trash, doing the laundry, and while on the farm, there were lots of outdoor chores to do too. Apparently our mothers knew what they were doing. My mother recently shared with me that she’ll never forget me calling home during my first week of college completely shocked at college students who had no table manners and no clue on how to wash their own laundry.

When our kids complained that they did not get paid to do dishes, fold laundry, or vacuum, we told them “That’s part of being a family. We all live here; we all need to help keep this home functioning.” When our children were old enough to carry their own plates from the dinner table to the kitchen counter, they were expected to. As they grew older and they could sort socks, they were expected to, and to put them away.

Dusting is an easy chore for little ones. Put white cotton gloves on them, spray on the Pledge and let them dust. It may not be done as well as if you did it, but they will learn and they will get better. With any chore given avoid criticism and avoid redoing what they did wrong or inadequately. Children have to be shown how to complete their chores. Loading a dishwasher may seem obvious to you, but your kids won’t instinctively know how or why you load it the way you do. Sometimes your husband doesn’t even get it!

Our children also discovered as they grew older, it was in their best interest to clean up their own bedrooms because if we did it, they could count on us throwing out something we deemed broken, old, or unnecessary that they would claim to have great significance in their life. I’m not a stickler for having a clean bedroom all the time, it’s their space, but, they do have to clean it out at least once a month. We find with our girls, the older they are, the more important it is to them to keep it clean. Funny how a clean room is directly tied to their social life!

Kids are not only capable of helping with chores around the house, but they need to help around the house. It’s a disservice to children not to expect them to do household chores. When they grow up and are out on their own, they need to know how to clean up after themselves. There have been a couple times when I was “out of commission” due to injuries which grounded me to my bedroom or a couch. The kids had to step up and do the chores, and they knew how to do it.

There was grumbling and mumbling when we really started enforcing family chores years ago. It’s a norm in our house now. They may not like it, but they know it’s not a negotiable expectation. In fact, now our kids are shocked by other children who say they don’t have to clear their dinner plates, or put away their own laundry, or help around the house.

In the kitchen last week my oldest asked me “How do you know how to do that? You always know how to get stains out of our clothes, how to make gravy, how to cook.” I learned it because my mother taught me and my parents expected me to help around the house. You learn by doing. Help your children start learning.

© 2007 Anne Nelson, Joy Zone, LLC